25 Things I Want My Husband to Know

This is a follow up post to my last entry about my heart for my almost six week old son.  God has blessed my heart so tremendously through living with and loving these two boys.  Every day I am just blown away by how sweet this life is.  So, instead of leaving either of my guys out, I am adding this post because my husband is the hardest working, most amazing man and there is no way I could ever tell him enough.

1. No Matter What the World Says, You Are a Great Man. You will never measure up to the world's standards, because you are so so much more than that.  According to society, a great man today is one whose life dedication is his job and workout routine.  I never want you to think you aren't as great as the next guy because you care way more about loving people and living the Gospel rather than keeping up with the trends.  You are a man who loves me and takes care of my heart so well that I will never have to turn to things like Magic Mike or 50 Shades of Grey to find happiness, entertainment, or satisfaction.

2. It's Okay to Be Vulnerable. Manliness does not always equal toughness.  It is a gift to my heart to truly know your heart.  I will never judge you or be mad at you for wanting to share your true feelings.  The times that I have felt closest to you are when you let your guard down and gave your heart to me completely.  There is so much value in being open and feeling things without inhibition and I love being able to share in that with you.

3. You Set the Standard For Our Son. Avery is your mini-me.  As he gets older, he is going to want to be more and more like you.  He is going to watch every single move that you make and not one thing will go unnoticed.  It is a huge responsibility of yours to set the standard high and to show him how to have a relationship with Christ.  Personally, I take a lot of joy in knowing that I get to sit back and just see you be a father.

4. I Value You as a Leader. We may be a little old fashioned compared to a lot of other families, but I love it.  There may be a lot of times that I push the limits and try to be in control, but it ministers to my heart for you to be the leader of this family.  I trust you. And through you allowing Christ to be your leader, you have never failed me as the leader of our family.  I will follow you wherever Christ is leading us. "Do not urge me to leave you or turn back from you. Where you go, I will go and where you stay I will stay..." Ruth 1:16

5. I Do Think You're the Funniest Person I've Ever Met. I may roll my eyes a lot at the silly things you do and say, but you never fail to make me smile.  Your craziness is a refuge for me.

6. You Are Incredibly Valuable.  What you do matters.  I know your struggle so often is to think that you would be more valuable to the Kingdom if you did something of more importance.  You, however, are so far from unimportant. I think that your heart's desire to serve Christ so strongly is proof that you are going to be pleasing Him in any job that you have.  The Lord has created in you a heart that has so much to offer.  My goal as your wife is to remind you of that constantly because you truly do matter in the eyes of eternity.

7. Your Heart Is My Perfect Complement. We are so incredibly different. And I am thankful for that.  There are so many qualities in you that I admire and wish that I had.  But we have such a great dynamic as a family because we balance each other out, hold each other accountable and have an incredible amount of things to learn from each other.  There is no doubt in my heart that God created us for each other and brought us together for His glory.

8. You Are an Amazing Provider. You work so hard and sacrifice so that you can give me the most perfect gift of staying at home and raising our little angel. I am beyond thankful and humbled that you love me enough to do that.  Your hard work, dedication, and trust that God will always be our provision have allowed our family not only to survive, but thrive on one income in a time where that is looked down upon.

9. I Love Serving You.  Doing things for you makes my heart so joyful.  I consider it a gift to be able to serve you and take care of you.  I am so grateful that God has changed my heart to want to be "domestic" and has allowed me the opportunity to provide for my family in a way that I never thought I would want to.  The past couple of months have been such sweet time for me to learn to love you and our family in such a special way.

10. Praying With You Is the Greatest Thing for My Heart. I don't even think this needs an explanation.

11. I Support You. Wherever you go, whatever you choose to do, I back you up. I think you are amazing. But more importantly, I know that you are seeking God's will for yourself and for our family.

12. You Are Talented. You never cease to amaze me with how talented and intelligent you are! You are an artist on so many levels and I want everyone to know it.  But you are so humble, which amazes me even more. I admire that about you.

13. You Are Beautiful. You are absolutely the most handsome man I have ever laid eyes on.  Everything about you, inside and out, takes my breath away.  No matter how attracted I am to your body, though, your heart and your spirit are the most beautiful things that I know.

14. I See Jesus in You. Your love for Christ shines in you and I know I am not the only person to notice that.  Jesus is your whole life and that is the most beautiful thing.  You see the world through the lens of the Gospel and that is something that I look up to and am trying to learn from you.  Thank you for being an example for me and for everyone that you come into contact with.

15. Some Things You Do With Our Son Scare Me to Death. Throwing Avery in the air and catching him is never not going to scare me.  I know you're going to teach him to do crazy things and y'all are going to wrestle and do stuff that could potentially give me an ulcer.  But I know boys will be boys, and I am so happy that he has you to love on him.  There are so many kids in the world that would do anything to have someone like you in their lives.

16. I Wouldn't Trade Our Life for The World. We may not be rich and we may not be fancy, but we have the best life in the whole world.  There isn't a thing in the world that we're hurting for because we have each other.  Together we have everything.

17. Laughing With You Is My Favorite Thing. Remember that one night that we laid in bed and just cracked up for the longest time? I think about it all the time and just smile.  We do some ridiculous things and have some really crazy jokes together, and they are my favorite.  Memories really do matter. And we have made some of the best.

18. You Are an Amazing Dad. You work so hard at your job, but when you come home you are all about your family.  Avery is more blessed than he will ever know to have you as a father.  You have already begun to set the stage for him even in his five and a half weeks of life.  I know we didn't plan this at all, but you have stepped up to the plate and your love as a dad helps me to be an even better mom.

19. I Love Your Flaws. I never expect you to be perfect or even close to it, but you consistently surpass my expectations.  To me, you are perfect just the way you are.  You are your biggest critic, by far.  My heart for you is that you will know how much you are worth and know that you are perfect in your imperfections and love yourself for exactly who you are.
 
20. I Love Our Story. We have such a ridiculous story that at one point I was sure that my heart was just going to break into a million pieces and I wouldn't survive it.  But God has been so faithful in teaching us and growing us and I know now that I would never change a thing.  We have a beautiful story.  I am so glad that we have allowed the Lord to orchestrate it instead of making things happen for ourselves.  The "five year plan" is totally overrated :) We can make it through anything.

21. You Make Me Feel Like A Terrible Cook. I know I have gotten better, but everything that you cook is wayyy better than anything I could do.  I think I've done a good job and then you make something that completely blows whatever I made out of the water.  I'm thankful that you encourage me in my domestic pursuits though :)

22. I Couldn't Do This Without You. Your spirit and encouragement keep me going when I think I can't make it.  I have been a casserole of horomones for pretty much the past year and I'm so thankful that you have loved me so well through all of my meltdowns. Your support means the world to me.

23. I Really Am Starting To Love The Things That You Love. Fantasy/Science Fiction novels, Marvel comics, Settlers of Catan, lazy Saturdays.  There are so many things I never thought I would fall in love with, but they all kind of came along with falling in love with you.  You have broadened my horizons and shown me that there are so many great things outside of the box I had put myself in.  And I think you could probably say the same things of yourself ;)

24. Watching You Interact  With Other People Makes Me Fall More In Love With You. You think fast on your feet and say the cutest, funniest, wittiest things.  You love making conversation about anything and everything.  You love people so hard.  You are so incredibly lovable and people care about what you have to say. Your heart towards others is so attractive.

25. My Heart is Completely Yours. No matter what, I will always, always love you.  Every obstacle that we come across is grounds for learning forgiveness and learning to love each other more.  After I had a life changing encounter with Jesus and gave Him my heart full on, He has entrusted it to you.  There is no man that comes anywhere close to touching you.  God has blessed me more than I could ever deserve by putting you in my life and allowing me to spend it with you.  You have always been the one that I belong with.

I have found the one my heart loves. Song of Solomon 3:4

25 Things I Want My Son to Know

I sit at night and rock my sweet baby boy to sleep and some nights we just look at each other for a really, really long time. In these moments, I just talk. I tell him stories about when Jake and I were dating and about college and living in South Carolina and stories about our family.  Through these sweet moments with Avery, I have compiled a list of the 25 things I really want him to know about life:

1. "I want you to live forever" - Jesus is everything in life.  The world will try to tell you otherwise, but the Truth runs deeper and stands stronger than anything else in life.  God's promises are true and He will bless you richly (and I don't mean monetarily).  My prayer for you is that you will love Jesus with every fiber of your being and you will give your heart completely to Him and that you will long for everyone else to know Him too.  You will never be perfect, but God sent His perfect Son that you might live forever.  My heart is to point you back to Him with every breath that I take.  By this the love of God was manifested in us, that God sent His only begotten Son into the world so that we might live through Him.  In this love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for ours sins.  Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought to love one another.  No one has beheld God at any time; if we love one another, God abides in us, and His love is perfected in us. 1 John 4:9-12


2. When I look at you, I see my heart - For so many years I told myself that I would not get married and I would definitely not have kids.  God had a completely different plan in mind - a much more beautiful, perfect plan that I could not have dreamed up myself. I never thought I would have so much love to give until I held you in my arms. I must have been storing all this love up in my heart for your daddy and you for the day when God knew I would change my mind.  You have taught me that although I have tried so hard to love others along the way and failed, I do not have to put so much effort into loving - for God Himself is the only true source of love - and His provision is perfect.

3. Bathroom Rules - There are many things that I think I disagree with about the bathroom routine of men (though your daddy is better than any guy I've ever known about being clean in the bathroom).  But please always wipe the seat after you go potty.  No woman ever is going to want to clean up your mess after you just because you don't want to do it yourself.  Respect your wife and help her clean the bathroom (this also applies to do the dishes and post-meal kitchen cleaning).  You make the mess too, so it's your responsibility to contribute to cleaning it.  Always put the toilet lid down after you use it, hang up your damp towel, and replace the toilet paper roll if you use the last of it.  Lastly, bathroom humor is not always funny - put some thought to what you're going to say/do before you actually do it.

4. Don't follow the crowd - There are always going to be the "cool" kids and the "next big thing".  Going against your morals and what you know is right is never the cool thing to do.  Investigate everything you hear before you accept it as truth - this goes for both church and school and everywhere in between.  Compare it to what the Bible says is truth.  Don't always follow your heart in these matters because it may tempt you and  lead you astray.  The Word of God never will.

5. Accept others for who they are - You are not perfect. And neither as anyone else.  Learn the difference between hating the sin and loving the sinner.  Point others to the truth, but always do it in love.  Never, ever use the word "gay" when referring to objects or circumstances that you dislike.  Respect others not only to their face but don't talk about them when they're not around.  Know the difference between prayer requests and gossip. And it's not your place to judge anyone - you never know that storm God is walking them through.

6. Enjoy the sweetness and innocence of your childhood - The little boy in you is such a beautiful thing.  Don't let anyone take that from you and don't take life so seriously.  Truly I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 18:3


7. Explore the outdoors - Go outside and play.  Get messy, get sweaty and scrape your knees sometimes. You can't live life through a video game.

8. Love letters are legacies - The world is becoming so engrossed and fast-paced with things like email, social networking and texting.  These things are quickly replacing some of the sweetest gestures you can offer in regards to love.  A love letter, a thank you card, or a phone call from the heart is a welcome treasure  amidst a sea of electronic communication.

9. Read - Never give up on learning, or forget what it's like to hold a read book in your hand.  Stories are a gift and will teach you so much about the world.  Ask me or your dad, we have so many books to recommend to you.

10. Diamonds are not a girl's best friend - Don't ever mistake fortune or fame for an everlasting relationship.  A girl that wants to be showered with expensive gifts is probably not a girl you want to spend your life with.  There is so much more to love than money.  Remember that if you have a true love, a diamond is not going to matter as much as what is in her heart for you.

11. Take a positive approach to your health - Love yourself just as  God has created you.  It's never a bad thing to care about what you look like, but it should never consume your life.  Take measures to take care of your body - from watching your diet to brushing your teeth at least twice a day.  You're always going to regret stuffing yourself with fast food.  Respect yourself, but learn the difference between taking care of yourself and vanity.

12. Be proud of who you are. Always - Your heart was created after God's very own.  You are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139).  Don't let what anyone else says define you.  Jesus loves you and nothing else matters.

13. Be an apprentice - Make it a point to never stop learning and soaking up life's lessons.  Take advantage of learning to cook, to wash dishes, make your bed, do laundry, change your oil, hang a picture, fix appliances that are broken.  These are all going to be valuable to you in life.  More importantly, learn to pray, learn how to be an effective leader, to share your life story and to talk to people about Jesus.  This is a lifelong journey.

14. Find your passion - God has created you for His purpose and His glory.  He has set in your heart a plan and will for your life that you can only unlock through Him.  Spend time daily in prayer and in practice to learn what He has created you to do specifically.  And know that mommy and daddy will always support you one hundred percent.

15. Remember your manners - The world is a much nicer place when you choose to use polite words and smile at people.  You represent the Lord, so always say excuse me, please and thank you.  Forgive people who hurt you (unforgiveness is only going to hurt you worse) and apologize when you know you're in the wrong.  This can go a really long way.

16. Take responsibility for your actions - You will sin and you will lie and hurt people.  Life just gets messy sometimes.  There is never anything good that comes from dishonesty.  Everyone makes mistakes - remember that.  But being mature enough to own up to those mistakes and take responsibility for your actions will define you in the eyes of others.  This world is craving more people like that. Be one of them.

17. Always tell her she is beautiful - She is going to be your wife someday and you'll live together for the rest of your lives.  Respect her and pray for her even before you meet her.  Pray with her and learn to lead your family in a Christlike way.  Telling her daily how beautiful she is will enhance your relationship significantly. She IS beautiful, and she is a gift to you from the Lord.

18. Look up to your daddy - Your father is one of the most godly men that I know.  He loves Jesus and he loves you.  He has been exactly where you are walking and he has so many valuable things to teach you.  You will struggle with significance, people pleasing, lust, friends, jobs, dating and everything in between.  Every day spent with your daddy is a great opportunity to learn his heart, learn how to treat women and most importantly to learn how to become a man who longs to please the Lord above all other things. Respect him.  You have been given an invaluable gift that many other children do not get - always treasure that.

19. Don't stop using your imagination - This world may try to feminize you.  It may tell you that your place is behind a desk and your significance is found in making a lot of money.  The worlds lies to you.  Never stop being a little boy with a big imagination.  Play. Laugh. Get dirty. It's totally okay to be a big kid.

20. Understand the world, but don't follow it - There are certain things you need to know like budgetting, understanding mortgages and interest, how to buy a car, and how credit cards work.  It's okay to be interested politics and to like some of the things the world has to offer.  But don't put your stock in the things this side of heaven.  You should know how to manage money, but don't let it become your god like most of this world has done.  Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Matthew 6:21


21. Don't stay in one place forever - It's okay to need a change of scenery.  Explore the world. Move to someplace where you don't know anyone.  It will be a great learning experience for you.  But don't forget to call home. And know that you're always welcome there.

22. Learn to understand your emotion and how to express them - The world might tell you that being a man means hiding your emotions under a mask of toughness.  But there is beauty is being vulnerable and truly feeling things.  It's alright to cry and it's not a sin to be angry.  Learn how to handle your emotions and to express them in a healthy way.  It will open your heart and allow you to know and love yourself and to let others in.

23. The world is not ending when your heart breaks - You will have times when you feel like your life is completely over.  It isn't. Every heart break, whether it's a death of someone you love, a bad grade, a lost opportunity or a break up with your first love, is a chance to learn and to grow and to become closer to Christ.  He is teaching you to trust Him.  He will carry you through and mom and dad will always be here to hug you.

24. Surround yourself with people who love Jesus - Community is so important.  You will take it for granted until you don't have it anymore.  People who point you back to Christ will be invaluable and you will grow immensely because of it.

25. You will be my son forever - Moments matter. You will grow up and get married and have a family of your own to take care of.  But that doesn't mean I will ever stop loving you or ever not be there for you.  Treasure every moment that life gives you because they pass so fast and memories are something you will always hold in your heart.  You will not remember these days, the first months of your life. You will not remember us rolling around playing on the floor, or staring into each other's eyes during feedings.  You won't remember the moments that I rocked/wrestled you to sleep and then just sat there and watched you dream.  You won't remember the firsts that are coming in these months - rolling, smiling, laughing, crawling.  But I will.  I always will.  And I will always hold them so close to my heart that it hurts just a tiny bit, knowing every day that passes meaning having to let go of you a little bit more.

butterfly kisses

He's here! He's here! I can't stop feeling silly for how crazy I was about wanting Avery to get here sooo badly.  It's literally most of all I thought about - I found myself praying constantly for patience and for my heart to be obedient to what God has for me and not just what I was coveting.  I would tell Jake a lot that no matter how long it took, soon we would be holding our baby boy but it seemed to be taking foreverrrr. I'm slightly ashamed to admit that I would put "go into labor" on my to-do list and I would rehearse for what I was going to say to Avery the very first time I was face-to-face with him.

And now he is already ten days old.  Ten super fast, super tiring days and I have no idea where the time has gone.  I talked to my sister-in-law not long ago about how time goes seems to pass by so slowly with a baby in your belly, but so quickly when they're in your arms.  I couldn't possibly comprehend how true that is until sweet baby Avery was in my arms.

But he has arrived.  And now I'll never be the same person again.  Being a mom is the sweetest, most incredible, most heart wrenching, most beautiful thing I have ever experienced (and it's only been 10 days).  There have been a lot of hard things going on in the past 10 days - adjusting to a crazy sleep schedule, having family and visitors 24 hours a day (which makes developing any kind of a normal schedule impossible), dealing with the aftermath of giving birth (both body image issues and the pains associated with childbirth), coping with breastfeeding, and yes, baby blues are incredibly real.  But I was with my husband looking at how perfect our baby angel is and he said that now he knows that this is what life is about.  And I couldn't agree more.  I thank God that he has allowed this little miracle in our lives (because it is infinitely more than we could ever deserve) to teach us about His love for us and to remind us about where our priorities lie.

I am so excited about beginning this journey and so blessed to have the most amazing, loving husband to walk beside me in it.  The Lord's ways are SO MUCH bigger and more beautiful and more perfect than our own.  My ten day old son is already teaching me that (and I have a feeling he is going to be teaching Jake and me a whole lot more than that in the days and years to come). I just pray that with every breath Jake and I will point him towards Jesus.

Here are a few highlights of the past ten days of Avery's life and the beginning of the journey of a lifetime:

                                           getting ready for Avery (1 month before his birth)

his very first picture

sweetest face I've ever seen

 being weighed

 getting his vitals taken (9/9 on Apgar and the doctor said they never give out a 10!)

mommy meeting Ave for the first time

i was so incredibly in love

your first breath took ours away

daddy and his mini-me

little man in the nursery

getting his first bath in the hospital

first family photo

happy birthday, sweet angel

my parents with avery and me

four generations of Luna boys

day 1 of Avery's life

day 2 - about to go home!

my two sweet boys napping together

my handsome man's first bath at home

Open Hands

Okay this is my third attempt at a blog in my life - but I'm hoping the third time really is the charm :) I have just found that I have so much I want to say and so often I have no one to say it to. [This must be the exciting life being a house wife/stay at home mommy.] My poor husband gets home and I just word vomit everywhere about the ten thousand things that have happened to me or that I've thought about all day.  It's been so much more intense lately because of my anxiety about becoming a new mom soon AND God has been teaching me so many things. So this is just the sounding board of every crazy thing going on in my life - what I'm learning, what I'm doing and probably a few ridiculous stories of the things that happen in the life of my family :)

So I have my fifth (yes, FIVE) ultrasound tomorrow to see how big Avery has gotten. I can't believe he is due just 28 days from today. I guess I say "just" 28 days.. but in my heart that seems like an eternity.  But I really think that every day with a baby in your belly feels like forever, but every day with a baby in my arms is probably going to feel like a split second.  I'm not trying to wish my pregnancy away because it's terrible, but I long to hold sweet little Avery so bad that it hurts.  And I think I've convinced myself that he is going to come early because I'm already dilated and effaced but in all reality, he'll probably be late just since I want him to come so soon! I know I can't be the only soon-to-be mom feeling this way though.  

                                     I am in awe that this little bean has grown into a perfect little boy.

I had an ultrasound 4 weeks ago to see how big he is (4lbs 11oz at 32 weeks!).  My doctor said that is in the 70th percentile so he's a pretty big boy.  Tomorrow I am determined to drink something sweet to make him move around for some good pictures because I guess he is just the typical boy and the last 3 ultrasounds all he has wanted to do is hide his face, hold his legs and show off his man parts. I just want to see his face!!

Through all this craziness though, God is really teaching me to hold Avery with an open palm.  It's so easy for me (and I think I can speak for Jake too) to think that I have a right to be Avery's mom and that it is completely my job to take care of him.  God has been showing me through this whole journey that He is in complete control and that this baby is truly His; He has just entrusted Avery to us for a short time.  Jake and I joke all the time about how our friends are all the "five year plan" that follows the timeline of getting married, buying a house, having a dog and then planning to have babies.  We were on this plan too, even though it was an unspoken thing.  Then when I got pregnant, had a miscarriage and then got pregnant again (all completely unplanned) it threw us for a HUGE loop.  After moving to Clarksville from Murfreesboro almost a whim when Jake got a new job, we were frustrated about how out of control we felt.  God has been so faithful to set up ebenezers along the way to remind us that He has complete control and that His ways are so much better than ours.  I'm not saying we don't struggle or that we don't worry about anything, but the Lord has been consistently reminding us of his faithfulness.  

I say all that to get to the thing that has been weighing on my heart the most - how the heck am I ever going to be a good mom? And as I open my Bible and read every morning for the past week and a half, God has not given me any clear answer or any more peace on how or if I'm really going to be capable of having Avery at home and taking care of him and not worrying myself to death about every little thing that happens. BUT, He has spoken to my heart over and over and OVER again to just remind me that I need to hold Avery out to Him with an open hand and not the closed fist that I have been doing.  It's been a good reminder to my heart that we need to live with everything that way, because nothing that we have is truly ours.  The greatest peace comes with giving things to God and truly trusting that His ways are so much greater than ours.  

Jake and I have concluded from lots of praying together that the best we can do as far as taking care of our children is reminding them of the Truth and living according to this scripture:

"You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. 6 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. 8 You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. 9 You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates." 

Deuteronomy 6:5-9 (ESV)